Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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