Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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