Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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