my mouth tastes like poor choices
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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