i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
