Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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