the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
