i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
