Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
