im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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