And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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