hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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