Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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