A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
