shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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