It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
