I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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