after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
