what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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