My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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