At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
