i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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