booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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