There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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