you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
