He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
