the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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