If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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