i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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