I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
