dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
