Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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