Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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