I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
