He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
