what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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