shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
