im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
