and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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