a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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