this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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