is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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