you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
