my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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