this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
