At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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