At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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