I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
