I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
