i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
