You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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