false alarm. still invincible.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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