Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
