Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
