dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
