Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
