theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
