Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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