I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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