so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
