You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
