I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
