Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We need a shit load of segways right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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