the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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