i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
