I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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