I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
