just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
