Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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