maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
