I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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