I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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