I hate all girls vehemently.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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