you would pick up someone in the library
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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