We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
