She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
