In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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