perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
