she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
