i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
