I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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