Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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