Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
